Doug is 36!

We were able to celebrate Doug's birthday this evening by having some steak and fries (his favourite) followed by a home made chocolate cake. The boys made cards for their dad and we gave him a copy of the "Monty Python's Holy Grail" DVD. Christena joined us for dinner too and it was a great chance to celebrate my wonderful and amazing husband.

We are home and working through it all

I need to start by thanking all of you for your support over the past several months and especially through this past week. Despite knowing that Henry was ill with a pair of diseases that would be relentless in their eventual destruction of his body and mind, it has been a surprisingly difficult loss to endure.

Jennifer has gone home for a week before coming back here this coming weekend to help us celebrate Henry's life. We felt a memorial held at our home would be most suitable for him and what we believe he would have wanted. We have invited our friends and family members to come and share their memories of Henry with us as we celebrate his 78 years.

Henry's obituary was placed in the Collingwood newspaper this past Friday (and can be read by clicking here) and Christena spent the weekend back in Collingwood and was able to go back to the church she attended while living there. She even had a chance to get together this afternoon with some of her old friends for the early afternoon before one of the women in the group brought her all the way back to Georgetown.

My sister-in-law is in Canada for the month of July and is heading back to Taiwan this weekend. She has been here studying more of her yoga (she teaches and has been studying in Thailand periodically since moving to Taiwan with my brother 3.5 years ago) and has been so busy from sun up to sun down that we have not yet had a chance to connect. I am hoping to see her this Friday evening at her mother's house in Cambridge. We shall see how preparations for Saturday are coming before I am able to commit to that social activity.

While Jennifer was back in Calgary for the weekend and Christena was off staying with her sister in Collingwood, Doug, the boys and I went camping with 6 other families from Georgetown. This is the 7th time this group has camped together and, while we all live in the same town, it is one of the few opportunities we have through the year to spend time together to reconnect. These are families we have come to know through my connection with the local La Leche League group in town. They are the women and families who gave us the confidence to parent Fergus and Quinn the way that felt most right for us, even when it was different than many other more mainstream parents.


Today was for getting our bearings again and trying to work at creating a new normal without Henry here. It was also about taking a quick trip to Guelph to meet my parents on their way to drop my visiting cousins at the airport in Hamilton. They are flying back to Doncaster, UK this evening. It feels as though they just arrived. the picture here is of my parents (the couple on the right) with my cousins, Sharon and Chris (couple on the left).

Tomorrow is about getting back to the paperwork that Jennifer was not able to finish or that she has left for me to work on. She took the bulk of the paperwork burden on herself and even went home with calls to make from Calgary. I asked if I could do some if it too. It feels as though I am helping in some way when I know that I am making a call that needs to be made.

Oh well, off we go. Tomorrow is another day.

He's gone

A VERY brief note to let you know that my father-in-law, Henry Gardiner, died this afternoon at 15h45. He went very peacefully and had an opportunity to spend time with everyone over the course of the weekend.

Thank you for your spoken and unspoken words of support over the past several months as Henry struggled both with Alzheimer's Disease and lung cancer.

I also have family visiting

from the UK. My cousins from Doncaster have made their first trip to Canada to spend time with the Canadian arm of the Blackburn family. My cousin, Sharon and her husband, Chris arrived last Tuesday (the day when I attended a wonderful homebirth with my good friend, Lilly) and were met at the airport by my parents, my aunt and my uncle. They spent the night in Niagara Falls and have since been hanging out between my parents' house and the home of my aunt and uncle.

Tonight my parents are bringing Sharon and Chris to my place for the night and tomorrow they will take a tour of Toronto. I found a "Hop On, Hop Off" tour of Toronto which will allow them to see the attractions from an open, double decker bus and to get off the bus to have a closer look if they want. Depending on what is happening here, I would like to be able to take the boys on this tour too and will plan on that for now. (Did I happen to mention that I also have a client due tomorrow??)

Anyway, we spent Saturday night at my Aunt Dorothy (AD) and Uncle Des' (UD) (they are about 15 minutes from the nursing home where Henry stays) so that we could spend time with my cousins AND be close in case Henry's situation changed. It was great to have an evening sitting around the bonfire and relaxing. I am sure we regaled Sharon and Chris with so many stories about the family that they can't half wait to get back to England to further disconnect themselves from the dysfunction that is us.

Papa spent a couple of hours doing work at the pond at AD and UD's. He was out with his backhoe and not only took his boys for a ride but also taught them how to scoop using the backhoe scoop.I thought this was brilliant! Teach them these skills while they are young and perhaps they will have a future in the construction industry! I don't care where they work as long as they make enough money to keep their mother in the manner to which she would *like* to become accustomed. (just kidding)

It feels odd and somehow wrong to have these moments of fun and action while there is so much anguish happening at the same time.

It will not be long

We have spent a large portion of the last 4 days in Mount Forest. Henry's condition has further deteriorated. He is not taking anything by mouth and he is receiving morphine injections every 3 hours.

Doug will take Christena and Jennifer up to see him again this evening after he returns from work. We have been told that Henry will likely pass within the next 5 days or so.

He looks peaceful and has had moments of lucidity in the past few days. He seems to have recognized everyone (except perhaps the boys) at one point or another. Feeling recognized by him brings a feeling (to me at least) of having been able to let him know he is not alone and that he is loved.

When there is anything new, I will post again about Henry.

Harry Potter

I wish that I had planned better. As it was we weren't the only Muggles out of costume but it would have been fun to plan in advance. I think I could have done a pretty presentable Molly and Fergus would have LOVED to have his hair dyed black to be Harry himself.

Quinn, with his lovely blonde locks would have made a very convincing Malfoy. Now that the books are all out perhaps we will put our brains together and come up with some good costumes for the next movie release.

Downtown Georgetown set the main street area up as various HP locales and we started at the children's bookstore where we received a copy of the "scavenger hunt." I use the term loosely in that we weren't scavenging for anything more than clues but it was fun none-the-less. They boys LOVED the fact that we were out wandering the streets so late at night. We had to visit such places as Three Broomsticks, Hogsmeade, Hog's Head, Flourish and Blott's, Diagon Alley, The Shrieking Shack and many, many other familiar haunts.

Fergus has become a devoted HP fan and it was important to me to take him out to be part of this. It is so different than so many activities for children. I am glad we went. I am only sorry I didn't take any photographs.

That is that other part of what is happening here at the moment. We are trying to keep life reflecting some semblance of "normal" but the boys know there is a lot going on with Grandpa and are displaying endless maturity and patience for us. They are truly two incredible children and we are enormously blessed in them.

Henry, part 2

I am now home from a quick trip to Mount Forest. I have left Christena up there to stay with her sister this evening and tomorrow evening so that she can go and spend time with Henry.

He is no longer eating. There was a little improvement today in that the nurse was able to get him to take 2 oz. of liquid food supplement to wash down his medications. Yesterday he wasn't even allowing that. Without the water in his system he is not retaining anything on his body and right now he looks much, much more thin than in the photos I posted last week.

The nurse assured us that they are giving him pain medications regularly, even though he indicates that he is not in pain. They are not putting him in his wheelchair because he has become so fragile.

The nurse was not optimistic that we would be able to have a lot more time with him. Douglas has gone this evening to spend some time with Henry. Jennifer will be home tomorrow evening so she can go and spend time with him Sunday.

If anything changes I will try to let you know here. If you want to reach us, our home number is: 905-702-0768 (don't forget the country code for Canada when calling from overseas).

Henry

Yesterday morning Christena received a call from the home that Henry is in. She was told that Henry now is no longer able to be placed in the wheelchair. My understanding (and please remember this is all second hand information to me) is that he is no longer able to hold himself up in the chair, even with the straps. He is therefore being kept in his bed.

The other struggle they have apparently been having in the last couple of days is that he is not able to swallow all of what they are putting into his mouth. We don't know what that will mean. Is he getting enough to sustain him? Is he taking fluids? We don't know.

I am taking Christena to Saugeen Valley this afternoon and she is hoping to stay there with him for a few days. I don't know if that is a possibility or not. The nurse who phoned yesterday was talking about perhaps moving him to the palliative care bed in the home so we will find out today if that is indeed happening.

I should be able to update you better by this evening.

Stuart, I know you were thinking of Skyping on the weekend. We will probably be spending part of the day, at least, up with Henry. If you can be persistent though, hopefully we will be back by about 10 p.m. - midnight your time (if that's not too late) and will give you more information then.

Take care all.

It rained and poured

and our crunchy, yellow, dried out straw-like grass was SO grateful for the drink. It is the first rain we have had in a while and so we took this opportunity to put buckets under the eaves to catch the running water. Now we have some reserves for the veggies. My tomatoes always do so poorly when I only have city water to feed them with. Too few healthy nutrients and too many bad ones.

Fergus and Quinn were having a grand time filling buckets and watering plants that weren't getting much to drink (i.e.: those under the tree out front). I took this picture of them as it reminded me how much I have loved those times out in the pouring rain as a child. They had a BLAST and were reluctant to come in and put dry clothes on when it was time to leave for Noni and Chris'.

What we did on Friday

Well, I have been wanting to get my tattoo re-done and finished with astrological symbols (Leo, Aries, Taurus and Scorpio for Doug, the boys and me), a sun, three phases of the moon and a spiral. I must have been out of my mind. I thought I should be able to get all of that done for 100-150$. I was totally wrong. I am apparently looking at around $25o. and that is beyond what our budget can afford right now.

Since I was planning to go and check it all out anyway, I convinced my SIL to come too. She had been wanting and planning to get her belly button re-pierced. That's what we did instead. She found a most excellent "skull" belly ring and had it put in. Looks wonderful!

They boys were then into a tattoo phase though and when Fergus found a "tattoo kit" in the toy section at the store on Saturday, he couldn't resist spending his $20.00 on it. We were en route to Noni and Chris' where everyone received a tattoo. Chris did this cool one for my sister, on her calf.

What a great weekend!!

Henry is 78

We took a quick trip to Mount Forest today to see Henry. When we first arrived he was in his room and was having a nap. This is Jennifer, Christena and Henry in his room.

We were able to take him for a walk once the nurses had got him up and dressed and so this other picture is of the three of them in the greenhouse. He seems to be doing okay now, as you can probably see he is taking oxygen all of the time, but he is still not able to get around on his own. He was in a good mood for the most part and we were able to have a bit of a conversation with him. He still sleeps most of the time but it was really wonderful to have a bit of time with him.
Anyway, thought those of you who know him, would enjoy seeing his picture.
Take care

Henry may move into different care

We are not certain if it is the cancer moving forward or if it is another progression of the Alzheimer's disease but Henry is not doing well at the moment. Christena is convinced that it is the cancer but we haven't had a doctor assess him and just can't know for certain.

He is no longer able to stand at all and has to be physically moved from bed to wheelchair and then strapped in to the chair so as not to fall out. It seems to me though that this is something that is not uncommon with Alzheimer's patients (I believe it happened to my grandmother after a time) although it has come on VERY suddenly.

Christena is going to call the local hospital to ask if there is a palliative care bed available so that we can have him moved closer to her. It has been hard to find opportunities for Doug or me to take her to Mount Forest given our respective work schedules and my clients with due dates that have been so frequent recently. If Henry is able to be moved closer it will allow her the freedom to spend time with him whenever she wants.

Henry is to be seen and assessed by the doctor on Wednesday. I am hoping to have a chance to take Jennifer and Christena to Mount Forest on Thursday or Friday. I really think it is important that Christena not get the report herself given the nature of what will be discussed and how worried she already is about his well-being. I also figure that if two of them hear what is to be said, it doubles the chances that one of them will remember some of the details.

As soon as I know more, I will let you know. Take care.

I was away for a week

and had a lovely time with my parents and my family. It was a bit of a unique situation in that we stayed in the cottage next door to our old cottage. My parents had a cottage in Thornbury, Ontario (if you are looking at a map of the Great Lakes, look at Lake Huron and how there is a bay off of it to the right. At the very bottom of the bay, the southern-most point, is the Georgian Triangle and that is not only where I was last week, but also where I grew up.)

Anyway, the year before Doug and I got married my parents bought a great little cottage on the water. We spent part of every summer up there and it was just 5 minutes from my parent's house (where they both ran their businesses). Two years ago they sold it and we lost that beach connection; or so we thought. Last year my dad (a handyman by nature and someone who can't possibly sit still) was "hired" by the guy whose cottage was next door to ours. He was needing new windows put in and he offered to allow my parents the use of his cottage for a week is my dad would do the work. Dad said yes and he and mom invited us to stay up there with them. It was so great that we decided to rent it again for this year.

When we arrived this year I met the neighbours who bought mom and dad's old cottage. They are a lovely couple but it was surreal to see them going in and out of our old place while we were next door. They were not around last year when we were there.

Funny thing though, that couple hired my dad to install a dishwasher for them last week. They left on Monday with plans to be back Friday and could my dad have it installed by then??? WEIRD!! (My parents had done SO much work on their cottage over the years and dad's working there gave us a chance to go in and see how they had re-decorated -- or not as was the case. They did paint the pine ceiling white which is a mortal sin in my dad's eyes. I thought it looked great.)

Once he got started with the installing and working around the two places, he couldn't stop. I was hysterical. He did take time out to kayak with the boys and have dinner with some old friends but mostly he worked.

I had a chance to see my cousin, Melissa and her children too! It was SO great to reconnect with Melissa and have a couple of opportunities to catch up on what life is like for her, her husband, Luke and her two kids. She has a 5 year old, Adia and a 3 year old, Thomas. All four of the children played SO well together. I don't have her permission to post pictures of them but trust me, it was wonderful. Fergus has been asking me about his cousins and this was a great chance for him to get to know them.

Anyway, the boys spent a great deal of time in the water and on it too. Doug left Monday and came back Friday so he didn't get as much time at the water as we did. He made the most of it anyway. His mom had been in Collingwood (20 minutes from Thornbury) for the week visiting her sister and so on his way back to the cottage on Friday he picked her up and brought her to the beach. The benefit was two-fold: she had some time to visit and hang out with my family but it also meant that I wouldn't have to leave as early because I didn't have to pick her up en route.

Next big adventure??? Camping in two weeks (after Aunt Jen goes home)! The boys are in for a GREAT month!!!