Our Road Trip to Maryland (Wednesday)

Now there won't be a lot of text here because there isn't much to tell. We had a FANTASTIC visit and ate some wonderful food.

Marianne (of Fairfax, VA) picked up our friend Patty (of Phoenix, AZ). Diana (of Long Valley, NJ) had arrived at Stephanie's the night before. Lynnette (of Germantown, MD) drove herself! It was 6 friends sharing some delightful time together.

Marianne promised Patty her van would be easy to spot. Literally!!

There had to be champagne for everyone to celebrate!

As with any gathering of womyn who were once a part of a specific female-centred non-profit organization, there is always food!!!!

Then we chased the clouds away so that we could dine outdoors on Stephanie's deck.

And everyone was full of smiles!!

And the boys came to snuggle with their mom!

And their mom took time to pose with Stephanie because she was the best host ever!

And we started our drive home

through the mountains

and even with the dull, overcast skies

the colours were beautiful!

THANK YOU STEPHANIE, BOBBY, KATE, and BEN for welcoming my children and me into your home. You showed us a grace and courtesy that can not be rivaled. We truly appreciate your hospitality for the whole week.

What I forgot to mention

While at Target we saw some great Halloween and costume stuff. The boys found some cute long-sleeved T-shirts with Halloween-ish stuff on the front. Stephanie found a four-pack of glasses that resembled those she wore in the summer when dressed as Professor Trelawney for the launch of book seven in the HP series. She couldn't resist. She made the boys promise to bring two pair home with them (and we have been playing with and wearing them often since our return) if she bought them.

We KNOW we look COOL!!!!

So do our children!!!


I also forgot to tell you that when we got back Tuesday and Ben was home from school the boys elected (yes, I said ELECTED not were forced) to rake leaves so that they could play. When they finished they filled one brown paper lawn-waste bag and two big bins with their collection.



While I am at it, here is a shot of the dolphins from the Dolphin Show that I forgot to include.

Our Road Trip to Maryland (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday)

Sunday was a nice, slow-starting day. No one had anywhere to get to right away and we had time to hang out and relax. Bobby had scheduled a baseball practice for that afternoon but had timed it so that we would still have time to check out the local pool during the hours for recreational swimming.

Fergus was invited to join Bobby and Ben for baseball practice and while Quinn was initially excited about going, he quickly realised that he needed some time alone with his mommy. He and I hung behind and played a game of Battleship followed by a few hands of Crazy Eights. It was the quiet time we both needed.

I don't think that anyone showed up for baseball practice. I did hear that Steph had been recruited to play with them. I also heard that the practice was put on hold for a while when Bobby hit a ball into the rough and everyone had to pause to look for it. From what I understand the original hit was never recovered but while looking around for it, two other balls were located so they still came home with more than they had left with.

The local recreation facility has three pools. One is a shallow pool with a mushroom cap sprinkler and a variety of small and medium length slides for young children of all ages. The next is a medium depth pool used, while we were there, mostly for lane swimming. The last is the dive pool. It is over 13 feet deep and they had at least 5 different heights of diving platforms. Fergus and I tried out the bottom two levels but that is as far as we went.

There are also two LONG slides. You climb a set of stairs that is about three stories high. The slides wind around the facility before eventually emptying out in their own very small pool near the shallow pool. Both Steph and I tried the slides only a few times while our four children went up and down quite a lot.

This was a great way to wear everyone out. It was a quiet evening after that and while Kate and Ben worked on homework and went to bed in good time, Fergus, Quinn and I hung out and read some Artemis Fowl.

Monday we decided to go to a mall. That was one thing Fergus had been requesting we do. It was a lovely day and in retrospect it would have been perfect for our planned trip to the zoo but alas, we did not think of that. I was trying to do everything they boys wanted and Fergus wanted to go to a mall. We would do the zoo on Tuesday.
At the mall we found a toy store and were happily looking around when Quinn spied it! My card shark and UNO junkie saw the game he had asked for the previous year for Yule. UNO SPIN! Doug and I had looked EVERYWHERE for it but discovered that while the adverts for it were on Canadian television, it wasn't actually available here to buy. Guess what Quinn, Fergus and I pooled our resources to pick up??

We made a trip to Target as well and finished our outing with a lovely lunch at a great burger place beside the river. It was fun to watch the Canadian Geese as we ate.

We raced back to get Fiona (an after-school charge of Stephanie's and a good friend to Kate), Ben and Kate. Monday evening was filled with many games of UNO Spin. I am wondering if this new novelty item will ever wear out?

Tuesday we woke to rain and gloom. So much for our trip to the zoo. I was thankful that we had been to the Toronto Metro Zoo only a few weeks before so there wasn't TOO much sadness from Quinn. We also talked about planning a trip to Washington with Daddy in the coming years and arranging to put the zoo on that agenda. He seemed to be appeased.

Quinn was also happy because we decided to make a trip to the local library, where Stephanie is part of the "Friends of the Library" non-profit group. She had some work to do and we set off for the children's section to read.

After the library we went to Best Buy (to look for video games for Fergus and Quinn's home computer, a Mac and therefore one that is hard to find games for - except online). Steph and I then took the boys with us while we went grocery shopping at Whole Foods in preparation for our lunch the next day with friends from around the country. No rest for the weary! It was fun preparing food for everyone in advance of their arrival.
I even made a pumpkin cake with spelt flour that every loved! I say this because most of you know how it can be with children. If they don't know what the ingredients are, they are more willing to love something. Stephanie is eating wheat and dairy free. This cake met those requirements AND the kids inhaled the mini cake I had made for them to sample.

Our Road Trip to Maryland

What was I thinking? No, seriously, it wasn't that bad. I knew I wanted to take Fergus and Quinn into Washington to see the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. I also knew that Stephanie and Kate had a bridal shower to go to so that meant we would be on our own for the afternoon. Fergus, Quinn and Ben seemed to be getting along famously so it seemed a natural suggestion to add Ben to my immediate family for the day and went ventured into town on the Metro.

Once we found the museum there was lots to see. We were there for about three hours and managed to explore the planets, fly the first airplane, walk through a space shuttle and design a shuttle for launch. The biggest hit of the place was the Museum store though. Two days in a row where I spent more time than I had ever imagined looking through "stuff" that I could buy.

After the Air and Space museum we walked through the National Mall and along to the Old Post Office. Apparently this is a well-kept secret about D.C.
It is a wonderfully, well-preserved building that was once the post office. It now houses several international fast food places, some souvenir shops, a platform for entertainers AND a chance to ride to the top of the tower to get a phenomenal 360* view of the entire city. This ride up the tower is free. We were 10 minutes too late to ride up the tower but we sat below it and watched people going up (perhaps we should have taken the ride before we ate, oh well) and decided that it would have to go on a list to do next time we made this trip to see our friends.
We walked back to the Metro line and rode back to Germantown. We arrived home before Steph and Kate and so it was my pleasure to start dinner for everyone. It can be hard to be a guest in someone's home for so long because often you don't feel comfortable helping yourself to things or making your way around the kitchen and such. Not with Stephanie. I felt very welcomed and comfortable helping out by starting dinner.
We finished the perfect day off with a hot tub outside in their back yard. What bliss!

Our Road Trip to Maryland (Thursday and Friday)

It was an unbelievably foggy morning when Fergus, Quinn and I set out on our adventure. We were driving from home to Germantown, MD (a Washington, D.C. suburb) so that I could see a friend and eventually so that I could see some friends. My very good friend, Stephanie, live in Germantown, MD and she has a 9 year-old boy, Ben. Her daughter, Kate, is 11 and so is still young enough to be willing to hang out with all of us sometimes. Other friends of both Stephanie and me were to be in the D.C. area on the 24th of October so I decided to take a road trip to be able to see them all.
One friend, who had previously only been an on-line connection, was flying to Washington from her home in Phoenix, AZ. I was very excited to meet her IRL.
Anyway, it was, as I have written, a foggy morning. We set off at 6:00 a.m. in order to get there before dinner time.
The boys were AMAZING! They never asked how much longer, they happily played their computer games part of the way, looked at scenery part of the way, and listened to music with me. The whole trip was 11 hours, including two breaks for food. It was their longest car ride ever and I was astounded by how well they managed it.
The sun was shining almost the whole time we drove and we even had the air conditioning on. Apparently the weather in the US was to be as hot as it was in Ontario. It stayed quite warm the whole time we were visiting in Maryland.
Thursday night we went to watch Ben play baseball. Bobby, Ben's dad, is his baseball coach and they have a GREAT team. It is hardball/fastball so the pitching was slightly different than what we saw at Ferg's games in the summer but otherwise it felt very familiar to be sitting on the sidelines watching young boys play ball.
Friday was a rainy day. What could we do? Kate and Ben had a day off school and so were available to tag along with us. We chose the National Aquarium in Baltimore, MD. The only catch was how we would transport the lot of us? Both Stephanie and I have vehicles to seat 5 and we were 6.

We priced rental vans but they were prohibitively expensive. I joked that it would be great to take a van out for a "test drive" for the day and laughed that the only catch would be that we would have to have the sales associate from the dealership with us so it would have to be someone fun. I got this idea from a commercial on the radio here over the summer wherein a sales associate was calling his office to "check in" and the womyn answering the phone claimed he had been out on this "test drive" for two days already.

Stephanie took the proverbial ball and ran with it. Both she and Bobby have purchased their vehicles, and a previous vehicle, from one sales associate in a neighbouring town. She called him up to put this idea to him. He offered us a Saturn Outlook (?) -- I could be wrong with the name -- and we happily jumped in to head off to Baltimore.

The kids had a great time at the Aquarium. There were loads of living ocean creatures as well as exhibits of fish, water-mammals, reptiles, and more from around the world. We finished our trip off with a Dolphin Show! The boys sat right up close in a hope to get themselves wet. It didn't happen but they wished hard anyway.

It was a long day but it was GREAT! The ride home was certainly more quiet that the ride there.

Pumpkin carving after the farm

Saturday was a blustery day around here. It was a day with weather that finally reflected the date. October 13th and we would actually have to consider turning the furnace on for the first time since last spring. I think this is the latest we've ever been before cranking up the heat.

We met our friends (Kelly and Chris) at Chudleigh's farm. We had originally planned to go apple picking but upon arriving realised that we wanted to be in more enclosed areas and out of the wind. We bought pre-picked apples instead.

We also picked up a couple of little pumpkins for the boys to carve. If you are a Facebook reader/addict then you will have seen a copy of last year's pumpkins flanked by their respective artists in the form of Fergus and Quinn.

A BIT OF A HISTORY LESSON

Why do we carve pumpkins? As a Wiccan I already know but wondered how many others have given any thought to the process we undertake on an annual basis.

Let's start with the history. Carved vegetables or fruit were used to light the path of the spirits of our deceased loved one at Samhain (North American Halloween). Turnips, pears or gourds were hollowed out with a piece of burning coal placed in the centre and they were set on porches and in windows. This was to welcome the spirits of loved ones and guide their way and to protect people from evil and malevolent spirits. With time, the coal was replaced by lit candles for the light.

Why would anyone want to welcome the spirits of loved ones?? Well, Samhain is a festival of Celtic origin and is celebrated from sunset October 31st to sunset November 1st. This festival is a time to honour the dead and our deceased friends and loved ones. It is believed by Wiccans and Pagans alike that the veil between the world of the living and the dead is the most thin on this date and so by lighting the door all night we may allow those we have loved and lost to come home again to feel our love. It is a time to celebrate their lives and to be excited about the next part of the journey they will embark upon.

It wasn't all joy however. Pagans and Wiccans alike have long been threatened by Christians who did not understand our religion. Despite Christians adopting almost every single holiday from the Pagan calendar, many still believe that Wiccans/witches are evil. According to Starhawk, "Circles of worshippers met deep in the woods far away from other people. [T]he Pagans lit candles inside carved vegetables to scare away their persecutors."

Samhain also marks the end of the harvest season and with it, the end of the year. Samhain is our New Year's Eve. This is why there are candies and sweets involved with Halloween today. What most people do not know or realise is that "when they give candy to children on this day, they bless the birth of the new year and the sweetness of life." When you open your door to pass out candy you are, for a few minutes, playing the role of a Pagan.

As to why we now use pumpkins instead of other fruits or vegetables . . . When the Irish came to North America they came upon pumpkins and found them much easier to carve and hollow out. Their use quickly replaced the turnips, pears, and gourds of old and a new tradition was born.

A thought to ponder

A friend of mine (Robin) recently asked: "So how do we help our young ladies (and young men, too) realize their potential? What kinds of things do you do to help your own children?"

Great question. Thought provoking. She was inspired to ask us this after having read an article in the NY Times which outlined the lack of confidence in the female authors (or potential authors) that the narrator was meeting in Minnesota. Robin is the mother of three daughters and so I presume that how she read the article was skewed to reflect her own reality which is so different from my own.

I enjoyed the article. I am in agreement with VERLYN KLINKENBORG (the person who wrote the article) that many female children are reared to expect to have to behave differently than their peers. I have heard from many parents, over time, about how they want their daughters to believe they can be anything and do anything but also hear them make comments like: "You may have a hard time if you act too aggressively" or "Some people may not take you seriously if you dress like . . ." Curious.

As a mother I hope my approach is different. I was strongly entrenched in the world of WOMYN before I was a parent and, quite honestly, didn't think I would ever be able to mother a boy. I can and I am. I was surprised by the subtle differences. I am MORE surprised by the similarities between the feelings boys have and the feelings I remember having as a child.

Take my eldest. He wears his heart on his sleeve. The stereotype of strong boys who exude self-confidence is not him. His self-confidence is building. It waxes and wanes as he moves through the pathways of life. He is getting better about being able to shrug off a comment made to him by someone he doesn't know but is finding it increasingly easy to lose himself in the worry and sadness that comes when someone he loves speaks to him in a way (or says things in a way) that he deems to be critical.

The fact that he is homeschooled means that he is open to a lot of comments which other children would not necessarily hear (although they may). When someone he doesn't know asks him about his reading or maths abilities he shrugs it off and answers with a monosyllabic response and lets it go. When people he loves (myself included -- although it really only seems to bother him when there are other people around for whom he is expected to "perform." **I'll come back to that later) quiz him in an effort to have him prove what he knows, he takes offense. It may not show up right away but it will present. He has been known to lay in bed at night worrying about what his loved ones think about him because he feels they are often quizzing him.

I have worked so hard at helping him approach learning in a way that works for him and instills self-confidence -- which he exudes while he is home, learning and putting that new knowledge to use -- but I still come up against a lack of confidence that continuously resides below the surface.

Is that the thing to focus on then?? If I can't rid him totally of the esteem issue he seems to have, should I try instead to simply learn how to make it work for him? And if so, how do I make that happen?

When he feels safe he lets all inhibitions go and he is a remarkable and open person who loves to learn, loves to share, loves to take part. It's getting him to the place where he can feel safe.

**Back to the issue of ME having him perform. What am I teaching him about my own issues around esteem and confidence if I am asking him to perform his skills for others? If I can't exude the same virtues I want him to possess, how can he trust that he should have them himself?

Quinn on the other hand is a different kettle of fish. He appears confident and eager right from the outset. This is only when he knows there are people nearby, preferably within arms reach, to rescue him if he needs it. He will ultimately try anything (and I mean anything) if the right person is there with him to help him feel safe. He is also my introvert. He is less concerned what others think, even other loved ones, as long as he and I are okay.

So, back to Robin's original question: "how do we help our young ladies (and young men, too) realize their potential? What kinds of things do you do to help your own children?"

I guess we just tell them how amazing they are. We let them try new things, even without having finished the old thing if necessary, so that they have a chance to explore as many of life's avenues as possible and can get a true sense of what it is that feeds their passion.

As for the kinds of things we can do to help our own children, well, I think that varies dramatically from child to child. Each one, if given the safe place to share, will ultimately tell us what they need from us. Maybe it is our physical presence. Perhaps they need some financial assistance -- harder for some than others. Maybe they need to know that they can take their time and allow a path to come to them.

Well, what have I decided at the end of this long, drawn-out reflection?? That I don't know anything. I have more questions than answers. That I hope I will be able to be exactly what each of my children need me to be to allow them to become the best people they could possibly be. (I don't think I am unique in wanting this)

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving (part ONE)

It was a great weekend (except for the fact that Fergus has had a head cold for most of it.)

I open with a picture my sister forwarded to me in an email last week. She wanted to know if I would consider exploiting our own turkey in this same fashion. What kind of a manipulative and controlling Thanksgiving cook did she take me for?? Of COURSE I would try it. The challenge was I didn't think I was comfortable having her (the obviously female turkey) cook on her back. You know, you want the front down so that she doesn't dry out. I think I figured it out. The next post will show you how I remedied our situation.

So, the rest of the weekend found Doug and I doing some MAJOR cleaning in the upstairs office and the boys' bedroom. Several months ago Doug's mom suggested Doug move his office downstairs into the empty bedroom at her place. She thought the boys would each like their own rooms. They prefer to stay together though so for that and a couple of other reasons we said no.

The first was that Jennifer was talking about moving back to Ontario and we wanted to be sure that there was a room for her. The other is that we have never wanted to take advantage of Christena like that. She didn't feel it was taking advantage (especially since she suggested the move in the first place) but it was still her space and we wanted it to be hers.

What's changed then? Jennifer is no longer talking about moving back here (at least not in the near future). As much as we desperately miss her we are trying to understand that she needs to be where she is right now. We just want her to be happy and it looks as though Calgary is where she is happiest right now.

What else? We still want the apartment to be Christena's. We would never want to take away her space. The boys are growing though and had no room to play that wasn't uber crowded. She was willing to move some furniture and have Doug move his office downstairs. I think she was happy to have a way to help us.

She was much more enthusiastic about the move at the beginning of the changes then she was at the end. I think the reality of what his moving downstairs meant really hit her hard. This has been an EXTREMELY difficult year (let alone past few months) and then to see the additional room (for which she held many expectations) actually be used by Doug was hard. There were many tears this past weekend.

Christena is creating a support network for herself here though. She has found another womyn (Mary) here in Georgetown whose own husband has Alzheimer's. Mary is experiencing a new separation from him (after 57 years of marriage) by having had him placed in a long-term care facility. Mary called and invited Christena over on Saturday and that gave her someone to talk to about what she was feeling about missing Henry.

Yesterday my parents, sister and BIL were here for dinner. Christena joined us and for an evening everything was right in our world. We have so much to be thankful for. Family is just the tip of the iceburg.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!!

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving (part two)

I wanted to finish my post before I even start because I am still having a hard time figuring out how to paste pictures here in the order that I want them to appear.

In any case, you can't show the front side of a turkey in a bikini without showing what she would look after having flipped over to finish bronzing. Undoubtedly this headless beauty would want to undo her top (fewer lines you understand) so we only see the lines of her bottoms.

Hope you had a GREAT Thanksgiving!!

What siblings do (part four - finally)

This last post is about today. I have been craving home-baked bread for a while. There is something familiar and seasonal about the smell of freshly baked bread wafting through the house.

I found a GREAT recipe online and so when Liam (Quinn's friend) arrived this morning I used baking bread as a way to get him inside. Quinn and Liam helped with putting the original ingredients together and the first kneading of the dough. Then they'd had enough!

We were to punch it down every twenty minutes over the next two hours and Fergus delighted in rubbing his knuckles with olive oil and knocking the air out. Once it had finished rising he and I cut it up and prepared it for baking. He learned how to braid bread today (he knows how to braid hair already). It was a lot of fun.

This last picture is a shot of the two regularly shaped loaves that we made for sandwiches and four little braided loaves to share. I dropped one off a Liam's house when I was out this afternoon. I wanted him to be able to taste his work.

What a great life we lead!

What siblings do (part three)

Well, yesterday found us getting ready for a trip to the zoo. I haven't been in about 30 years and so it was going to be an adventure for all of us. In fact, the boys went with Rhonda and Chris a couple of years ago so they had a better idea of what we should see than I did.

I was at this same zoo MANY years ago with my dad's sister, Emily. I don't know what was happening that she took Rhonda and I there but we went. Perhaps she just wanted to spend some time with her nieces as my sister just wanted to spend some time with her nephews when they took the boys. I was wondering yesterday if it was about the time Nathan was born but I seem to think it was after that. In any case I don't have a memory of the zoo itself and even if I did, it has probably changed somewhat.

It was fun walking through with the boys, Ferg's best buddy, Adam and his mom/my friend Steph. The boys were energetic and excited at all there was to see. We read about different animals and shared stories about what we knew before going in.

It was neat to see some of the African animals like the ones in the pictures Nani and Papa had sent from their place in South Africa. It made the pictures we'd had emailed seem much more real.

What siblings do (part two)

The second part is about my sister and I and there aren't any pictures to show you. She and I took part, with my friends Janice and Karen, in the CIBC Run For the Cure where 170, 000 participants across Canada raised $26.5 million for Breast Cancer Research.

This event was a 5km run/walk, of which we did both. We participated in Guelph, Ontario as it is close to where I live and was not as likely to be a HUGE throng of people. We wanted it to be a smaller, more intimate venue.

The pre-run announcements were inspiring and uplifting, if not somewhat scary. It was hard to hold it together when listening to some of these people speak. To see them standing strong and proud made it easier though.

The four of us went out for brunch at a lovely little vegetarian restaurant afterwards and just enjoyed one another's company. It was a lovely day for a worthwhile yet devastating cause.

I am grateful that my sister is willing to take part in things like this with me. She and I often seem to hold similar causes close to our hearts though so I guess that makes it easier to support one another.

What siblings do (Part One)

Well, since I don't know how to manipulate the pictures on my blog anymore, I am just going to write about the images each as a separate entry.

The first is a shot of Fergus and Quinn outside at our place. Fergus received a green bike, complete with shocks and hand brakes, from Doug's mom when he was 3. It was WAY too big for him then but he had training wheels so we didn't really pay attention to *how* big it was. Once the training wheels were off of it we could see that it was a good thing he was tall for his age.

By the time Quinn was wanting a bike we had decided to go to one that was better sized for a 3 year-old. He had a little yellow and black number that sported training wheels until early this summer. Once they were off he couldn't be stopped. He loved his new-found freedom, even though he had really outgrown his bike by at least a year.

You've seen what I mean when I say he had outgrown it. It wasn't so much that his knees were by his ears (which seems to be the "in" thing these days for teenage boys) but rather that the wheels were so small that his legs had to go 90 miles an hour just to propel him forward. It was painful (not to mention exhausting) to watch.

Despite his ability to ride on two wheels, he was wary of Fergus' green bike. He loved the idea of having shocks (not that he rides on rough terrain but he wanted them all the same) but was worried about managing that big, heavy bike. Finally this past Saturday Fergus convinced him to just TRY the green bike. Fergus promised to hold the back and not let Quinn fall.

**Sidenote: It is AMAZING and INCREDIBLE to watch sibling interaction. Fergus LOVES Quinn so much and Quinn ADORES Fergus so the trust was easy for Fergus to establish. **

Anyway, Quinn agreed to try in the back garden on the grass. He wanted to make sure that he had somewhere safe to fall if he needed it. Fergus stayed true to his word though and didn't let him fall. Fergus says he knew Quinn just needed to try it and to believe he would not get hurt.

After some time Fergus persuaded Quinn to try out front of our house on the road (which is a very quiet street). A couple of nervous trips back and forth and he's gone again! They are both so proud of Quinn and Doug and I are, in turn, so proud of them both!