photograph: TARA WALTON/TORONTO STAR
Ela Philipp, right, of Hockley Valley, relied on Samantha Leeson as a doula when she was pregnant with her 14-month-old daughter, Vanessa. For the son she is expecting in August, she is an enthusiastic babyReady client.
Who ya gonna call when you don't have time to have a baby?Andrea Gordon,
Family Issues reporterJune 21, 2008
Modern parenthood is so complicated, it's enough to make any grownup cry like a baby.
Once upon a time, you could pop a newborn into the drawer for a nap. There were only cloth diapers and pins. If you were lucky, a baby carriage and a rattle or two.
Today, you have to choose among co-sleeping, the crib, the deluxe baby carrier or the SUV stroller with the bassinette insert. Doctor or doula? Sling or BabyTrekker? Green the house; look out for toxic toys and baby bottles tainted with BPA.
There are thousands of baby books and almost as many "parenting styles" to choose from.
Out of all this confusion, naturally, a brand new industry has been conceived: baby planners. And just like the wedding planners who help choose colours, set up gift registries and orchestrate the menu and invitations, baby planners act as master controllers of the big event. They manage everything from baby showers and nursery consultations to nailing down the best prenatal classes, baby photographers, cribs and car seats. They refer parents to obstetricians, midwives and doulas with openings. Costs start at $75 to $85 an hour for the first consultation.
"Pregnancy is so overwhelming," says Samantha Leeson, a GTA doula for the past 10 years who recently expanded into a baby-planning business called BabyReady (babyready.ca).
She says her business was a natural extension of her services as a doula and childbirth educator. The 4,500 couples she has coached through childbirth and taught in prenatal classes were always asking for more information about eco-friendly products, what to expect and how to prepare for a new baby. In her years in the business, she had done lots of research and accumulated answers and expertise.
BabyReady is one of the first baby planners in Canada, though there are dozens – with names like Itsabelly Baby Concierge and Nursery 101 – springing up all over the United States.
"We've made it easier for expectant GTA families to ready their hearts and homes for baby," says Leeson, 36, who has two kids ages 10 and 7 and lives in Georgetown.
The newborn company offers everything from prenatal classes for partners and grandparents to referrals for car-seat installation and a range of baby showers and custom-made themed cakes.
BabyReady co-founder Kristin Peres of Mississauga says it's tough for women who work right up until their due date to wade through the overwhelming choices about everything from who will deliver the baby to which stroller is the best long-term investment. That's especially true if they have no extended family around, are new to their communities and don't have friends with children.
That was her position two years ago, as a technology consultant from California who had recently moved to Mississauga and was travelling throughout her pregnancy and working until the end.
She says Leeson's childbirth education classes and doula services were just what she and her husband needed to guide them through labour and delivery and the first weeks of parenthood. She figured it was something other couples would be grateful for, too.
"Certainly, this not something you couldn't do yourself," says Peres. "But you don't stop your life just because you are pregnant. This is knowledge we've come across that we can help with."
Like almost everything else in contemporary parenting, the idea is not without controversy.
A recent post on salon.com introduced the new industry as "straight from the Department of You've Got to Be Kidding Me," and called it disturbing. Noted one commenter, "If you don't have time to prepare for a baby, where are you going to find 18 years to raise one?"
Andrea O'Reilly, a feminist and director of the Association for Research on Mothering at York University, says all the focus on planning and preparing for a new baby makes her queasy.
"Part of this is the commodification, professionalization and commercialization of motherhood and the intensive mothering that has gotten out of control," she says. "I think the whole process has eclipsed the purpose, which is to have a healthy baby. The end now seems to be the means."
O'Reilly says much of the obsession over planning every detail and preparing the home has to do with fear and lack of control. And the idea of a baby planner risks setting up false security and expectations.
"In our culture, we don't like to be out of control. But you can't will and organize and plan everything by throwing money at it. You're never ready for motherhood. It's going to knock you off your feet no matter what."
Still, Ela Philipp of Hockley Valley relied on Leeson for her first pregnancy and is a babyReady client for her second. She was referred to Leeson's prenatal classes by Trillium Health Centre when pregnant with 14-month-old Vanessa and soon was consulting her about everything from breastfeeding techniques to eco-friendly products. They went shopping for baby books and clothes.
Philipp and her husband paid a flat fee of $1,000 for the doula services.
"I got my money's worth plus, plus, plus," says Philipp, who is expecting her second child in August. "She took a lot of the stress and anxiety out of it. This really meets the needs of New Age parents who want to go green and (raise kids through) equal parenting."
It's also for those who want the latest information and to have a say in how the birth is managed. Leeson stresses that, unlike many planners, BabyReady isn't about consumerism. In fact, she's quick to discourage parents from buying a lot of unnecessary stuff and encourages hand-me-downs and borrowed items wherever possible.
Jessica Thier, 30, of Kitchener, is expecting her first baby any day. BabyReady helped her find a midwife and source all-natural crib mattress, toys and bottles. Leeson and Peres also dissuaded her from stressing out about gear she doesn't need right away.
But most memorable, says Thiel, a photographer, was the themed baby shower they organized. She and husband Neil are foodies and travellers and the event for 30 featured passport-themed invitations and finger foods from six countries. They didn't want a traditional shower that was all about gifts or the mother. They wanted a celebration of their transition into parenthood.
"That's exactly what we got. It was perfect."
