Summer fun!

I have a couple of pictures to throw up here because I think they are cute. Yesterday was a warm day and it was also the first day that was warm enough to visit the local splash pad. My boys (and Adam, who is my spare child most of the time) were the eldest by far.

A splash pad, for those who are not aware of these locales, is a flat, open water park. There are jets that shoot water up out of the ground, into the air, and the children run around and get soaked. They are a fairly new phenomena around these parts so the trees are not very mature and there is little shade to speak of. This particular location also seems to get a lot of wind because it is out in the open, and so it has to be fairly warm for the children to use it without freezing. The water is clean (which is good and bad -- I can't get past the HUGE waste of water) but because it is clean it is like ICE shooting out of the floor.

As I was saying, the trees are young. This summer they put a couple of new trees in and new trees require a lot of water. My boys like to take pails to the splash pad so they can collect the water and dump it on one another. Yes, I know, it's a painfully mean game to play but they seem to love having their heads ache from the cold water coursing over their skulls. When one of the local Parks and Recreation workers saw them collecting the water he came over to ask if the boys were with me. When I indicated that they were indeed mine, unless they'd done something wrong of course, he asked if I thought they would be willing to water the two new trees around the parkette. The boys were delighted.

I guess all of the running around and playing was enough to wear poor Quinnie out because he couldn't make it all the way through my reading of Chapter 8 in Harry Potter last night. Reading Harry Potter is a new thing for our family. I wanted to wait to read them myself until the boys were old enough to hear it. We started just after Easter and are halfway through book number three. It is all Fergus wants me to do with him these days -- well, that and play tennis on the Wii, which I do fairly well I might add. Hopefully we are able to read them fast enough to get to the last book shortly after it is released this summer.

Henry is okay

Very briefly for those who are checking in to find out how Henry is making out, he is doing fairly well. It seems they caught the pneumonia at the beginning this time (an advantage of having him in a place with 24 hour nursing staff to assess his well being) and the antibiotics have stopped it's progression. He is now complaining more constantly about pain in his back. The pain is behind the spot on the lungs where the cancer is. We don't know if this is related or not. It would seem sensible to us but we are not oncologists.

Christena's sister, Marianne, lives in Mount Forest and she was kind enough to stop by to see him last evening on her way home from work. She felt Henry was fairly engaging and seemed to know that he should know her from somewhere. This felt fairly positive to us.

Anyway, that's what is new. I'll write more when there is more to tell.
Take care

Wii did it!!!

Well, since Christmas Fergus and Quinn have been patiently (or sort of) waiting until such a time would arrive when they would have enough money to purchase a Wii. For those who are not familiar with this item, it is a video game system of the latest variety. It is interactive in so far as you swing the controller and move your body to engage the game. In the two images attached Fergus and Quinn/Daddy and Quinn are boxing against one another. It is entertaining to watch. I haven't actually tried to play it yet.

The system arrived this morning. With Quinn's birthday money added to the cache of Fergus' Wii funds, we had enough to buy the system. Last weekend when we were in Future Shop to see if they had any Wii in stock they told us they didn't BUT would likely have more on Friday next. They also said to call on Thursday to see if more were coming in. When Doug called last night he was told there were more coming and he set his alarm to get up early and go stand in line. Because we didn't know what kind of a line up there would be we chose not to tell the boys about the Wii coming and instead Doug took the money they had set aside to purchase it. They were fairly excited when he got home with this treat!!

They whole day has been about this gaming system. I suspect that it will be on the list of activities to do when it is raining outside this summer. The boys have been allowed to play most of today but know that tomorrow they are back to their one hour of screen time per day.

Anyway, thought you might like to see these pictures. The flash wasn't working so I have lightened them as best I can. Sorry about the image quality.

Take care

And Quinn turns 6, second.

Can it really be that six years ago this past Saturday I managed to birth another baby of my own (and Doug's too)?? The time goes by so fast. Yes, it is so and our own Quinnsterman (as my parents call him) has moved into his seventh year, having happily completed six (by the skin of his teeth a few times, I might add).

They day dawned sunny and bright so we found Grandma outside, working out and we interrupted to have some birthday gift time before the party started. The party didn't start until noon but there was some tidying to do first and food to prepare. All Quinn wanted was money from everyone to be able to add his money to Fergus' so they could collectively by a Nintendo Wii. The gift we gave him with the money was because giving money still feels weird to me -- even when it's all they really want.

The pictures are of Quinn opening the gift from Doug and I (he had already opened the money from Grandma and the Phlat Ball from Fergus) and of Quinn and his party cake.

We had a few of his friends here on Saturday and we let them beat on a Scooby-Doo pinata for a little while before they gave up and just pulled the ribbons hanging out the bottom. My brother emailed from Taiwan -- where he and his partner stay -- and asked how Quinn's birthday was. I wrote: "It was great. A party with a bunch of 4-6 year olds running around, eating chocolate and swinging a large wooden stick at a papier mache "Scooby Doo." You know . . . it was non-stop entertainment. Then we reeled them in to sit still in the theatre to watch Shrek the Third. [Quinn] said it was "the best day of [his] life!" So I take it that he had fun."

It was a great day! Doug joined us at the theatre for the movie and Fergus came home about ten minutes after we got back as he had been in Guelph at another birthday party for a couple of his friends. What a busy day. And that was just the start of our long weekend.

Last night (Sunday) we went to hang out with a bunch of our friends and sit around the campfire (well, a caged campfire as we were in town) sipping wine and visiting until the fireworks started. We could see the town fireworks display from their backyard. It was perfect!

I saw my parents and Uncle Des on Friday while Christena was visiting Henry and then saw my sister and Chris today. It has been a GREAT weekend all the way around. I hope yours was GREAT too!!

An update about Henry first . . .

as things have deteriorated with Henry's health. He
seems to have another case of pneumonia. We don't know how bad it is
at the moment but while Doug and Christena were visiting him today his
condition became steadily worse and when they left he was being given
a nebuliser treatment and a dose of antibiotics. This also likely
means that his Alzheimer's will advance too as that seems to be the
case for him (and anyone I suppose) who has Alzheimer's and ends up
with pneumonia. Unfortunately the pneumonia is normal as Alzheimer's
patients tend not to walk much. Even when they do, as my MIL swears
that Henry walks a lot, it isn't done as exercise, it is done as simple
movement and that's not enough to work his lungs. He mostly just shuffles along.

Anyway . . . any thoughts, vibes, prayers or otherwise would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

Our weekend

Well, we were lucky enough to have Jennifer in Ontario again this week. She had to travel to New York for business and when that happens, she travels through Ontario to stay with us for a day or two at either end.

We were extra glad to have her here this time as this past Sunday (after she flew in from New York Sunday morning) Doug, Jennifer and Christena took Henry to a Long-Term Care Facility to have him admitted into permanent care. In the week prior he was spending time standing, unable to move, he had fallen in the bathroom having forgotten what to do when needing to toilet, and had become increasingly hostile and unwilling to take the medications necessary to keep him alive. It was time.

It was indeed that hardest thing Christena (or Doug or Jennifer) had ever had to do. Christena was talking last week about all of the things in her future that aren't going to be as she had planned. She was looking forward to retirement and taking walks with Henry, socializing more. She was looking forward to the two of them spending more time doing things with Fergus and Quinn. And to top it off, it was Mother's Day. Not how any of us wanted to spend Mother's Day.

He has been there for 2 days now and I have agreed to drive her to see him -- the closest available place for him was in Mount Forest, about a 1 hour drive from here -- this coming Friday afternoon. As soon as there is a bed in a facility closer to home, he will be moved. The idea is for him to be in a location that she can access by bus if we are not around to offer her a ride.

Stuart, would please make sure that Uncle Robert knows what is happening? I don't know if Jackie reads my blog or not but if you are in contact with him, Aunt Tillie or Uncle Jack, would you let them know what is happening here? Anyone who has more questions is more than welcome to call so I can further explain what has transpired to find us at this point.

Thank you to all for your words and thoughts of support and encouragement.

Our weekend

The weather has become consistently more sunny and agreeable. On Sunday I was able to couple the nice weather with some time off to be spent with my family. Since we don't often have this opportunity we took a little drive to Belfountain, a hamlet just north of where we stay. It is a lovely little place and we wandered around and took a few pictures (as you can clearly see).
http://www.belfountain.ca/

Fergus and Quinn both had a sleep over at Adam's house on Friday night. It was Quinn's first sleepover with a friend and his nervous parents had nothing to worry about. He managed to snuggle down and sleep soundly through the night. When I left for work Doug was wondering when they would be home. Turns out he had a large part of the day to himself as they stayed at Adam's and played outside until mid-afternoon.

After their play, daddy's day alone and my day of teaching we met at a local pub for dinner and some time to reconnect. We had plans to celebrate the Cinco de Mayo with friends in the evening but we wanted some down time first.

Saturday evening we went over to see friends (Karen and Larry) and were joined by another family (Janice and Dave) where we enjoyed an evening of hot tub, wine, fire, and card playing. The boys had friend, Liam, to play with and after running around in the back yard they settled to watch a movie downstairs. It was clear that Quinn was losing steam and the movie seemed like an easy way for him to wind down. By 11:00 Fergus was up to tell the adults that both Liam and Quinn were asleep on the floor and he sat to watch us play cards.

As I have said, Sunday dawned sunny and bright. I knew I wanted to spend some time in the garden but I needed time with Doug and the boys. How to decide?? We started with a big fry up for breakfast and Fergus went over to Adam's while I went to Kim's to receive some of the perennials she was willing to split for me. Fergus was only going to Adam's for a little while but long enough for me to get a trunk full of plants and come home to plant the most sensitive.

When we got home from Belfountain Doug made burgers for dinner while I continued planting. He is an AMAZING man. Not only did he feed us but he also tidied up and then came out to water the plants I had added to my gardens.

Some of you might be wondering how Henry is doing as this is often what I post about. He is okay. Not a lot has changed other than that we watch him slip into his disease a little more every day. For instance, he has forgotten now how to put his shoes on. (What??) He hasn't been able to dress himself for a couple of months but he was still able to put his shoes on. Over the past couple of days this has not been the case.

He no longer asks after his family the same way that he was a month or two ago. In fact, he almost never generates a conversation. He will sit for extended periods of time without saying anything and not appearing to see the people in front of him. His physical health seems to be okay though. While he wasn't able to climb the stairs between their home and ours only a few weeks ago, now he is up and down the stairs with ease. His depth perception has gone and we need to help him on the stairs so he doesn't lose his footing but he is able to do all the lifting without aide.

How is Christena doing as his primary caregiver? It is taking a huge toll on her to have to be in the role of caregiver instead of that of wife. He is not agreeable about most of the things she has to do for him so there are arguments over everything. He doesn't want medication, he doesn't want bathed, he doesn't want shaved, he doesn't want to drink the fluids necessary to stay hydrated. You can see these aren't little things and so the arguments go on most of the time. She is having to be home with him all of the time as he can't be left alone and that is exhausting.

Jennifer will be back tomorrow -- on her way through to New York -- to spend a couple of days. She will also be back on the weekend. It does help Doug and I when she is here so that there is not only someone else for mom to vent with but also so that there are another pair of eyes to watch Henry and allow mom to go out and clear her head.

Well, I think that's what is new here. Hope all of you are well. Please keep in touch!!

Henry is home again

While we were gone we were hoping that the hospital would keep Henry to be able to give Christena the break. She does not cope well when she can't have time to herself (not that I can blame her, I would be EXACTLY the same way, I am sure). No such luck. Henry did not have pneumonia again, the nebulizer was keeping his airways clear. This time he was severely dehydrated (the man doesn't drink anything other than tea and coffee which only serve to further dehydrate). They kept him in to rehydrate him.

We did learn that the cancer is continuing to advance. Christena really wants to investigate to find out how much it has changed but Henry was clear (at a time when he was able to be clear) that he did not want any further treatment. Because we are planning to treat the cancer, they are willing to spend the money on more testing. Quite frankly, I suspect the treatment would kill him faster than the disease anyway. He took a huge medical beating last time and he went in to that treatment otherwise healthy.

Anyway, Henry is home and life is back to what it was last week. Amazing how fast things return to normal.

The boys are happy we are home and loved the gifts we got them. Apparently they had a riot with Nani and Papa and now Quinn is happily riding a two-wheeler, thanks to some help from his big brother.
Have a great week.

The attractions we didn't go to

but that the boys would REALLY like us to go back and check out (with them in tow of course)

US

To prove we were there and didn't just buy a couple of postcards, we finally thought to have someone take our picture yesterday morning. This is just down from our hotel and the American Falls are in the background.

The weather was GORGEOUS and we had a great time walking and talking and holding hands! Doug did spend some time by himself taking pictures while I went and had a WONDERFUL massage!!! I would have loved to hang out with him, holding his lens cap but the massage table was calling me.

What a GREAT weekend!!!

To say thank you will never cover it all! We had such a wonderful time and so here are some pictures that we took while we were there. This won't be wordy, just pretty!

Picture #1: the view from our room
Picture #2: a view of our room
Picture #3: another view of our room

(PS - Yes, that's Doug's computer on in the one shot. He had a couple of hours work to do in order to be able to have the weekend off.)

Henry is back in hospital

We thought perhaps his pneumonia was back but apparently not. The nebulizing treatments he has been receiving have kept his lungs in better health. The doctor last night (when we took him in) thought that is was an advancement of the cancer. Unfortunately this also means an advancement of the Alzheimer's disease. They are keeping him for now and have mentioned perhaps putting him into palliative care. It is my understanding though, that palliative care does not have the facilities to house or accommodate his wandering tendencies, etc. due to the Alzheimer's. I do not know, at this time, how things will unfold.

I will not be home to post an update over the weekend (as you will know if you have read other blog entries) as this is OUR ROMANTIC WEEKEND AWAY!! I will post again Monday or so if there are any changes.

I am off to finish waxing my legs and maybe have a nap. It would be terrible to get to Niagara Falls only to sleep the weekend away from fatigue!

What world is this?

I posted to a group of AMAZING and wonderful on-line friends (whom I have been extremely close to since we "met" even though there are many of these incredible womyn that I have not actually MET IRL) about Kristin setting Doug and I up for the night in Niagara Falls. That, in an of itself continues to blow my mind!!

After posting about how blessed I felt these womyn took it upon themselves to further fill my cup to overflowing and pitched in to give us an extra night. Now Doug and I have two nights away in Niagara Falls while the boys get to spend the weekend with my parents.

I was stunned speechless . . . and you know me . . . that's no easy feat! Then I started to cry. (Again, no surprise there!)

For everyone who contributed, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. For those who have simply sent positive energy our way to allow us to have the stars line up in such a way that we can manage to swing time off together to make sure our marriage stays on track, THANK YOU! We have been feeling your love and support over the past several months and we want you to know that we know and that we appreciate it.

Sheraton On The Falls

The web address for the hotel we will be staying in is linked here: Sheraton
(I hope this works because I don't do it often enough to be confident.)

Anyway, we have been gifted with a room that has:

2 Queen Beds Traditional Non-smoking, City View, Sweet Sleeper Bed, Large Marble Bathroom, 330 Sqft Room With Cherrywood Furnishings, Oval Table With Chairs, Overlooks City Of Niagara And Famous Clifton Hill

Thank you again Kristin! This is the nicest thing EVER!!!!

The chocolate is wearing off . . .

Good morning.

Things with Henry are about the same. It is a steady decline in his abilities to do anything. He broke down crying last week because, in a momentary period of cognizance, he realized he can no longer do the little things (like get dressed or shave) himself. It was quite sad. Christena still doesn't know how to handle him and she spends a great deal of time losing her patience with him. It is infuriating but there isn't much we can do until a space becomes available for him in a care facility and we aren't the primary caregivers for him.

Right now the biggest challenge is getting her to understand that we agreed, when he came home, that she needed to be with him *ALL* of the time, unless she had arranged for respite care to come in. Our lives are *so* busy that we can't be counted on to drop everything and go sit with him while he looks at the television. She still decides, on a whim, that she needs to go to the drugstore and will just come up and announce that she is going out. She does not get that he can't be left at home alone, at all. It isn't safe for him or for everyone else. We struggle with that and she gets angry with me when I tell her she can't just go out. I think I have posted this frustration before though and so will leave it.

Last week I had a client killed in a car accident. It was HORRIFIC! She was due on April 26 and her husband was driving. He spent the week and Sunnybrook and is slowly recovering. She and the baby went to Trillium, to deliver the baby to try to save it before she died but had no luck. Both mom and baby died as a result. I asked Doug to come with me to the wake on the weekend and it was a Catholic wake. The casket was open with mom and baby laying together, holding the rosary. I don't think Doug will ever be the same. It REALLY upset him. He wasn't upset that they would do that, rather it bothered him to see the mother and baby together.

With all the has gone on here in the recent past Doug and I have decided to get away for a night. My parents have agreed to take the boys to their place the weekend of the 21st so that Doug and I can go away. We can't even do that here because Christena thinks nothing of coming upstairs to vent if she is feeling frustrated. I was out for coffee last night with a past client/now friend and was telling her we were going to Niagara Falls for the night. I explained that we had never really been before (other than to do a 5 minute viewing of the water) and when I got up this morning I found an email from her explaining that she used some of her travel points to book us a room at the Sheraton On The Falls hotel. It was so sweet. I started crying. It seems silly but there has been SO much stress lately that this seemed like the sweetest thing anyone could ever do for us.

Anyway, other than the colds that all of us seem to have, life is pretty much the same. How are YOU doing????

Noni and Chris

bought their first house. (For those of you who don't know Noni -- or Rhonda, for short -- she is my sister.) This is a picture of them on the floor (before the floors were were sanded, stained and verathaned) in their living room. I was there yesterday to see the new house and it is beautiful. They have great plans for it too.
CONGRATS Noni and Chris!!!

A brief update

A friend just asked me about Henry and I realized I haven't posted here for a while. It can be hard to keep up sometimes (with life just moving along at a break-neck pace) and this week has been especially hard. I learned that one of my clients, a woman from Mississauga who happens to be a nurse at Trillium Health Centre, was killed in an auto collision last weekend. She was still pregnant at the time and was due to deliver around the end of April. I can not tell you how profoundly this has hit me. Her partner is at Sunnybrook with serious injuries and I hope he has recovered enough to be able to attend the wake tonight and tomorrow as well as the funeral on Monday. He will need these opportunities to work through his grief. Doug has agreed to come with me to the wake tonight so that I have a support network of my own.

In any case, with that going on I have forgotten to keep you informed of changes happening here. Now that Henry is home again I think Christena is understanding why we encouraged her to allow him to stay in long-term care. It is more of a full-time job than she realized. This is especially true given that most nights, regardless of being both "tranquilized" AND "sedated" (with two different medications) he does not sleep through the night. When he doesn't sleep at night, neither does she . . . or any other adult in the house (Fergus and Quinn seem to be able to sleep through ANYTHING). Henry is most confused at night and so is louder and angrier at that time of day. It is certainly difficult for both of them.

She is also having trouble with the idea that he can't be left alone. At all! And this has happened a couple of times this week. I can't seem to get through to her. This morning I was still sleeping when I heard her come up and ask Fergus to tell me that she had gone out to the drug store for something. She has him locked in downstairs (I can get in easily, but he can't get out because we know he has a tendency to wander) and left him sleeping on the chesterfield. I couldn't do that with the boys and she needs to learn that she can't do that with him. It's like leaving a toddler home alone. I just went down to sit with him while she was gone -- even though he was sleeping -- in case he woke up.

Henry started his day program this week. It is like day care and it gives Christena a break two days a week; not to mention that it's a social and stimulating environment for him. We have someone from the local Red Cross come to pick him up at 8 in the morning. They feed him and keep him entertained and then bring him back around 3:3o in the afternoon. This is on Tuesdays and Fridays and is to give her some time to go out and run errands or catch up on lost sleep. He didn't mind going and she felt like she got a lot accomplished.

Physically he is in the same place he has been since he got out of hospital. We are hopeful that we can keep the pneumonia away with him being nebulized 6 times a day. We'll have to wait and see.

For those who celebrate Christian Easter, Happy Easter. For those who celebrate the Pagan "Hiding and finding of eggs brought by a rabbit (the symbol of fertility)," good egg-hunting to you!

FERGUS is 9!!!!!

He stayed in bed until 9:00, although he REALLY wanted to get up at 7:30. That's too early for him so I reminded him that he wanted the energy for staying up later. Now I have the whole morning to plan for the party.

We are off to pick up friends in Guelph (about 35 minutes away) this afternoon to have them come back here and have a big play. Ferg's best friend, Adam will be here when we come home from Guelph. They are planning to have a play outside, a treasure hunt and then pizza. Fergus has also asked for a dessert pizza instead of cake so we will see how that goes over. Presents will finish off the home portion of the party before we pack them in the cars and take them to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at the movie theatre.

All in all I think all of us are equally excited about the party plans. I am even going to take Fergus out for lunch this afternoon so that I get some time alone with my birthday boy. He and I rarely get time one-on-one and so this is more for me then it is for him. He is very much "my" son in that his personality is much like my own so I don't think he will mind having to spend time with just his mom.

Downstairs, Henry is okay with being home. It is FAR more work than Christena thought it would be. I know he has only been gone for a few weeks but the difference in his abilities is dramatic as are his medical needs. I have spent no fewer than 3 hours tracking down all of the medications he now needs to take. He is being nebulized 6 times a day and that takes timing and patience.

Henry asks after his brothers and sisters many times a day. He does not understand that Canada is not Scotland (or Wales). He asks if we have seen Robert or Jack or Tillie or Maisie. We try not to further confuse him (because there just is no way to correct him and make him understand) so we tell him that they must be at work or out or something. When we have tried to tell him the truth he has become angry and he doesn't want that any more than we do. I am glad he thinks about his family though.

It is a glorious spring day and I am going to go out and enjoy it! I hope you are well.

He's coming home again

The long-term care facility that Christena looked at last week with Douglas and Jennifer is 50 kms. from our home. As I mentioned, Christena does not drive and would have had to take two different types of transit to travel one way. This coupled with the fact that she was convinced that others would look at her and assume she put Henry into care because she didn't want the responsibility anymore and she has decided to have him come home.

I know she never wanted him to go into care in the first place. I have tried to help her understand that no one would EVER judge her for putting him into long-term care because it is extremely emotionally and physically difficult to look after someone who is as mentally and physically incapacitated as Henry has become in the last couple of months. She didn't hear me though. She didn't hear Doug or Jennifer when they said the same thing. She is worried about how it looks and I am sure that is as much a product of the age she grew up in as anything.

If she wants him to be at home for now, until a bed becomes available at the local facility, then Doug and I are certainly happy to help her achieve that goal. She wants him home. She believes he wants to be at home. She may very well be right. The hardest part is that he doesn't know anywhere to be home anymore. She told him that she was going to bring him home and he was confused. He told her he "was home." The next day he told her he wanted to get out of there and go home.

She misses him and I don't blame her. They have been married for 43 years (April 25) and that is a long time to live with someone. I am sure I would miss Doug too and would do whatever I could to keep him home.

Henry will come home with a variety of new medications and machines to help look after him and people to come in and help out but at least he will be here. That will be easier for all of us, I am sure of that.

Hug your family!!!

Happy Ostara

Warm spring wishes to all of you! It is a typical spring day here in southern Ontario. It dawned cold and sunny and warmed up, clouded over and is now raining mid-afternoon. Goddess only knows what tonight will bring.

Henry is still in Georgetown. We know that he will be moved out of town when the next available bed comes available but we are not able to know what community he will be in. We have asked for consideration because Christena does not drive and we shall see if that is recognised at all. We acknowledge that the local hospital is not equipped to look after him as they do not have secure facilities. Yesterday afternoon he wandered out while the staff was on lunch. Thankfully he didn't get too far before they stopped and redirected him.

This reminds me of stories my parents would tell when my grandmother first went into long-term care. She was there for some time before the decision was made to place her in the secure unit as she made her way out "to go home" on a few occasions. That's what Henry was up to. He was "going home" when they found him. The challenge is that he doesn't know where home is. Even when he was here he would ask when they were going home.

Jennifer has gone back to Calgary. I am certain it was excruciating to have to leave with all that transpired while she was here. She has so much work to do that I know she is feeling grossly torn between all that she wants to be able to do. It was lovely to have her here though and to be able to spend some time together.

My irises are starting to poke their small, leafy heads through the soil in the front garden. I was looking this morning at the new bed I put in around the front tree and wondered if I should get to work at it before the ground gets too hard. I think I need the temperature to increase a little though. There's something about working the soil with your hands that rinses the worries of the world away.

Happy Spring/Ostara to all of you!!!